Tuesday, June 21, 2016

New Place, New Town (City actually), New chapter in our lives

I have not blogged, as in made it an almost full time hobby, for many years now.  In reviewing some of the memorable, nostalgic things I want to remember about our lives before we moved here, I realized there is a value to blogging.  Rather like an online journal in some aspects, that reports on times before.  We have lived here for going on 3 years now, and it might be fun and beneficial to put some blog posts up about our lives here.

For one thing, we are in retirement years, at ages now of 65 (me) and 70 (him).  Life has changed for us so much in so many ways, and might be useful to put some thoughts about it online.  Not only has life changed for us, we see societal changes happening all around us that almost beg 'New Rules' as many of the old rules do not seem to apply.  In other words, values and work ethics I taught to my children who are mid-aged adults now don't seem to work as well in their words.  And grown grandchildren coming out of college and into their careers means even different rules for the world they find for themselves.

We are considered now in our retirement years Boomers, who aren't ready to throw in the towel and call it quits just yet.  I am not sure if that is a good thing or somewhere in between, because I know my body won't do what it used to do, and not sure I want to be want of those olders who are fit and hardy.   I am pleased though that there is a longevity that was not so available to our parents generation.

Well then, here goes, new chapter in our older years lives.  What if ......

What if ... my mother is not who I thought she was ....

Having a tough time.  Keeping it brief.  Looked forward to having my mother move two doors down from us at our new location in different city in WA.  Really looked forward to all the times we could share, all the things we might do together, all there was to see and show her.  Looked forward to all the resources she could make use of in this city whereas she did not have them where she had lived.  She is blind (legally), has diabetes, and as she had control of the narrative, sounded like was being isolated where she lived, little to no help from my two sisters who live there, weary of her neighbor who had been for years helping her with appointments, grocery store runs, lunches and fun times.
Learning a devastating reality now that she is here.....she has undiagnosed Narcissist Personality.  Has had for years, however, difference for me is that I have had years and years away from the damage of characteristics of narcissim.  Being exposed to my mother in ongoing day to day activities again after so many years away is startling to my senses, my sense of proprieties, boundaries, and on and on and on.

She's dead Jim - a quote from Star Trek that I exchange with my husband occasionally when we encounter life changing events, ie, when our family dog, Jake, at 15 years was unable to keep on.

Now I've done it!

This week I gave my books, and research papers on menopause and post menopause to my daughter.  Mostly to assist her to deal with the controversial issue of using hormones or using natural estrogen type foods/diet to sustain the period of loss of hormones.  She had only a couple of questions;  when did you go through menopause, Mom?  And when did you do this research.   Ummm - it was so very important at time I was studying it, and yet there were no dates on the research or books to help jog my memory.  Now isn't that something!

Recognizing that over the years I have done a lot of blogging on several topics when blogging was still in it's newness age, it occurred to me that one or two blogs might have the information. And we have Google now so I googled my name and the word menopause, and thank goodness 2 blogs came up where I had an entry or two which gave me the date, therefore my age, of menopause.  Happens that was also the time I quit smoking.  Wow, talk about a double whammy.  Weight gain both ways.

I have since listed the dates, and decided maybe there is something to blogging elements of life as it happens, now maybe more so as in becoming part of the Boomer generation, it would seem we have some things to say!

In 2006 I quit smoking and the blog entry indicated it was my second year as a non-smoker; and the blog entry also indicated that I was going through menopause.  I would have been 55 years old.  Allowing that menopause is not an event, rather a process, it would be 2005/2006 at age 54 and 55 years.  Allowing the decade or so of perimenopause before that which I knew next to nothing about, would have begun the process at about age 42 until at age 55 it was clear that I was done with the monthly flows.   I would say though in respect for myself, the psychological elements of loss were much more difficult to bear and manage than the physiological aspects.  Great sadness as I was saying goodbye to my younger womanhood, yearning for and wishing I had done more with that young woman body while it was young instead of worries about how it looked or whatever the societal norms of the time suggested I should look like....young ladies, proud to read that you are getting information that encourages you otherwise!!

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